While you are certainly not the first parent to ask this question, fortunately the resounding answer is “No!” All the research indicates that the opposite is true. Not only are children whose parents talk to them about healthy sexuality less likely to be promiscuous,
I recently had a friend ask how to combat the viewpoints of the state mandated sex education where she lived. “Won’t my children get confused if I’m telling them one thing and one of the main places they get their information and learning is telling them very different things?”
I explained that this is addressed more easily than you might think. The beginnings of it are addressed in the first Lies About Sex post, but this post takes a more religious tone. One of the main points I use when teaching parents how to talk with their kids about sex is the truth mingled with error concept. It goes something like this (for those who are non or less-religious, it is easy to remove or adjust those references):
God has made our bodies in really amazing ways to do amazing things. We are going to teach you about wonderful ways God made our bodies to work that can help us be happy and create wonderful relationships. Now Satan/The Adversary is always trying to teach people wrong or hurtful things. His favorite tactic is to say things that are partly true and partly lies. That really confuses people because they see the true part and think all of it is true. So some of the things we are going to tell you about your body are things a lot of people in the world don’t know. They will know how their body works, but they won’t understand why, and all the things God wants us to know about how to use them the best. They’ll know some of the truth, but it will be mixed with things that aren’t true. That’s why we are going to teach you the whole truth so you’ll know it and can outsmart Satan. This means you will know more than a lot of people and it will be something special you and mom and dad will have and can talk about. So we’ll teach you the truth, and when you see or hear about things that don’t match up, or don’t seem right, come tell us! We want to hear about those moments where you figured it out, or when you feel like something is sneaking in that isn’t true. We’ll be so proud of you for being able to notice what is true and what isn’t!
(Then as a parent you can use this concept you’ve already taught them to point out inaccurate or destructive messages during future teaching moments).
As is often the case approaching the summer, it’s been a scramble to plan activities and vacations. I finally have my summer course schedules finalized!
- Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality (Non-Denominational) starts Wednesday June 19th, 10-11:30am MST
- Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality (Church of Jesus Christ) starts Thursday June 27th, 10-11:30am MST
- Betrayal Trauma Healing Course 1 starts Monday July 8th, 10-11:30am MST
- Betrayal Trauma Healing Course 2 will follow Course 1 and start in September.
- Betrayal Trauma Boundaries Course starts Tuesday June 11th, 10-11:30am MST
For more details, check out the courses page. And email to sign up!
Summer can be crazy, if you have to miss a week, you can make it up, or a temporary recording can be made available (based on the consent of other participants).
If you want a course but can’t take it during the offered time, let me know, I’d love to try and accommodate you now or in the future. I do occasionally add additional courses.
Note: This post contains religious content from The Church of Jesus Christ, to which I ascribe. Take what you like and leave the rest.
I have been derelict in posting about the newer website put out by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, entitled Addressing Pornography. I had the opportunity to assist in writing content for parts of this site. While you may not agree with every word posted, there are some wonderful resources here for parents seeking to protect their children, for those who struggle with porn use, and for betrayed spouses. I highly recommend checking it out and exploring what content connects with you.
Brittany Homer over at raisingtodayskids.com interviewed me as part of her recent podcast episode on the most important things parents should know about pornography. You can check it out with the link (for iTunes), listen on any other podcast app, or go to raisingtodayskids.com to listen on the website.
I will be recording a full episode with her next month about how parents can talk to their kids about sex. So stay tuned…
Come visit me at UCAP—the Utah Coalition Against Pornography. It’s the largest conference of its kind in the U.S. This year it is on February 22, at the Salt Palace, in SLC. This conference has topics for everyone including those struggling with pornography, to betrayed spouses, to parents looking to protect children, to teens and young adults. See their website for details and registration.
This year is exciting because I have been asked to speak! The subject I’ve been asked to address is Betrayal Trauma. You can find out more about that subject here on my website.
As usual, I will also have a booth at the conference for my book that helps parents teach their children about healthy sexuality. And I will be promoting course information on my new online live courses for betrayal trauma and for parents teaching children.
I hope to see you there!
Whenever your children approach you, or when you ask them about things they have experienced, it’s always important to keep in mind that children are like onions. When someone shares vulnerable information with another person, especially if they think highly of them, they are likely to share just a little at a time, layer by layer.
Let me answer your question with a true story. Recently I spoke with a grandmother. Her daughter and son-in-law had small children and had installed filters on their computers and phones. They thought their children were safe. Grandma and Grandpa didn’t think they needed to be educated or concerned about this topic. After all, they didn’t have pornography problems and never watched scandalous TV. Imagine their horror